I finished this book about two and a half weeks ago, and I've been putting off writing a post about it since then because I'm still so frustrated by it. I wanted to be able to write a positive post about it, and recommend it to people, because what's good about this book is worth reading and valuable and important to be out there. But the bad stuff is so bad that it colors my entire experience of the book, and that's just a shame.
If I Was Your Girl is a YA novel about a trans girl written by a trans woman. Amanda, the main character, had been living with her mother before her transition, and moves to another town to live with her father after she transitions in order to start a new life. I really like the character of Amanda, and a lot of how the story is told; it alternates between her present life in her new town and her past experiences as a child and as a teenager before her transition, including a suicide attempt and an attack in her old town that is part of why she left to live with her father. The book is set in the South, and the descriptions and depictions of life resonate and feel authentic to me, as do Amanda's experiences in a support group for young trans people.
When she moves to live with her dad, she finds friends and also a boyfriend, because while in a lot of ways this book is a deliberate examination of how terrible things can be for trans youth, it's also wish fulfillment and fantasy. Amanda passes easily in a town where no one knows here, and she's beautiful and smart and can draw, and she attracts a nice boy and a good group of female friends and a weirdo friend who was in her art class, and that's where the whole book falls apart. Because her weirdo art class friend is bisexual, and Amanda confides in her, and the bisexual friend both falls in love with her and then betrays her, because that's what bisexuals do. And so even within this narrative that is giving a life and depth to a trans character that we don't often get in books, we see the most cliched, the most hackneyed, and the most damaging stereotype of bisexuals played out in a way that's both narratively lazy and offensive. I am so fucking frustrated that a book that could be so valuable is instead so hurtful; I find it incredible that no one in the entire process of publishing a book like this didn't sit back and say hey, this doesn't need to happen this way. We don't need to give the world yet another evil bisexual character in order to give our heroine a compelling storyline. This book was already attempting to do something quite tricky, namely create a trans character who simultaneously is unbelievably privileged and lucky but who also suffers from essentially every single one of the Worst Nightmares that a queer character can undergo (rejection, public outing, threat of violence, threat of sexual violence, suicide attempt). Having the plot turn on Bisexual Betrayal on top of all of that made the entire story collapse, and as much as I genuinely do want to be able to excuse it, I can't. We need more books about trans characters, written by trans authors. But this one sadly doesn't cut it.
Grade: C
If I Was Your Girl is a YA novel about a trans girl written by a trans woman. Amanda, the main character, had been living with her mother before her transition, and moves to another town to live with her father after she transitions in order to start a new life. I really like the character of Amanda, and a lot of how the story is told; it alternates between her present life in her new town and her past experiences as a child and as a teenager before her transition, including a suicide attempt and an attack in her old town that is part of why she left to live with her father. The book is set in the South, and the descriptions and depictions of life resonate and feel authentic to me, as do Amanda's experiences in a support group for young trans people.
When she moves to live with her dad, she finds friends and also a boyfriend, because while in a lot of ways this book is a deliberate examination of how terrible things can be for trans youth, it's also wish fulfillment and fantasy. Amanda passes easily in a town where no one knows here, and she's beautiful and smart and can draw, and she attracts a nice boy and a good group of female friends and a weirdo friend who was in her art class, and that's where the whole book falls apart. Because her weirdo art class friend is bisexual, and Amanda confides in her, and the bisexual friend both falls in love with her and then betrays her, because that's what bisexuals do. And so even within this narrative that is giving a life and depth to a trans character that we don't often get in books, we see the most cliched, the most hackneyed, and the most damaging stereotype of bisexuals played out in a way that's both narratively lazy and offensive. I am so fucking frustrated that a book that could be so valuable is instead so hurtful; I find it incredible that no one in the entire process of publishing a book like this didn't sit back and say hey, this doesn't need to happen this way. We don't need to give the world yet another evil bisexual character in order to give our heroine a compelling storyline. This book was already attempting to do something quite tricky, namely create a trans character who simultaneously is unbelievably privileged and lucky but who also suffers from essentially every single one of the Worst Nightmares that a queer character can undergo (rejection, public outing, threat of violence, threat of sexual violence, suicide attempt). Having the plot turn on Bisexual Betrayal on top of all of that made the entire story collapse, and as much as I genuinely do want to be able to excuse it, I can't. We need more books about trans characters, written by trans authors. But this one sadly doesn't cut it.
Grade: C
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